Give yourself permission
This episode was inspired by a ground breaking music concert I saw this week. There were combinations of artistic elements in this show that I didn't believe would ever be seen on the one stage. I was blown away, and excited by the creative possibilities that exist if we just allow them to.
I share a vulnerable admission and encourage you to give yourself permission to do the seemingly silly, the crazy and the impossible.
TRANSCRIPT
Well, hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the joyful creative. My name's Deborah O'Toole, if you didn't pick that up in the intro. This episode is a little unplanned, it's really come up from something that happened this week and I was really inspired to talk about it. I went to see a concert that really blew my mind and just reminded me of what's possible creatively speaking. The concert was Esperanza Spalding. She's an American jazz bass player. She plays upright and also electric bass and she sings and composes, and I've been following her for a little while and yeah, she's just completely mesmerizing to watch on stage and incredible bass player in her own right just as it is.
But in this concert, as well as the small band (she had a little ensemble) and also two contemporary dancers were on stage, not all the time, but when they did come on, at times they were improvising their movements to the instrumental solos that the instrumentalists were playing. It was just, I found it really fascinating because I really love dance, particularly creative and contemporary, interpretive dance. And I just found that it had me so visually engaged as well as listening to the solos because the musicians were unbelievable as well. But I do admit that sometimes when I'm listening to a jazz gig and I'm hearing an instrumental solo for an extended period of time, I tend to get a little, I'm not going to say bored, I just get a bit restless.
I'm sure that there are jazz musicians out there who would think I'm completely mad because they're just hanging on every note. I am hanging on every note for about the first, maybe three minutes. And then after that I can tend to drift off, but having these dancers on stage adding this visual element was just, I just thought it was so inspired. Um, yeah, just such a creative, amazing idea. But for those of you who are not familiar with the jazz scene, I can, I think I can safely assure you that having dancers in a jazz concert is not the done thing. I've never heard of it. Yeah, it was quite a new thing.
She also incorporated spoken word in her recitatives when she was, I couldn't really figure out whether this is patter things she was saying in between songs or whether it was actually part of a song, but it was, it was kind of a spoken and kind of song and it was sort of along with music. Um, but it was just very theatrical and theatre and jazz... I don't think they really a thing together.
And look, I have that notion because I had an experience that I had very, very early in my career. I was in my early twenties and I was auditioning for a jazz course in Melbourne, I won't say which. College it was. But they really had two streams. You could either be a classical player or you could be a jazz player. And I sort of, wasn't really either one of those things at the time.
At the time I actually was working or rehearsing a professional music theater show. So when I went to audition, I think it was all going well. I think they liked what they heard. And then when they interviewed me and they asked me what I was up to, I told them proudly that I was in a professional show. And I thought that that would actually be impressive, that I was actually a professional, but when I said music theatre, I could see their faces drop. And I feel like that just sort of blew the audition for me. And later on when I spoke to my musician friends about it...People who were jazz musicians and people who actually were in the course, they did say to me that, yeah, that music theatre probably didn't impress them.
Because the way they put it was that if I was a music theatre performer, then I wouldn't be mouldable to go far as a jazz vocalist. That was what I was led to believe. So, you know, I was disappointed at the time of course. And I was frustrated because I, I didn't realize until that moment that you know, that there was such a divide between between disciplines, between theatre and pop and jazz.
But apparently there was. In hindsight, it was probably all for the best.
But I allowed that experience to shape my understanding of the jazz scene. And I developed rather limiting beliefs about whether I fit in. I never really felt like I could be part of it after that, because I also love theater. And I just came to believe that they don't mix. So in hindsight, When I look back at my life, I think it was probably for the best that I didn't get into the course, because I went on to do other things which have been very fulfilling.
But it did make me think about all the other areas of my life and maybe other people's lives, where we dismiss things as possible or viable because of what we've learned, from what others have said to us. And maybe they were wrong. Maybe they had that belief because of their own experience. Or what someone else has said to them. There's probably a lot of experiences that we miss out on or that we just say no to, or just don't think are for us, because of some belief that we have about whether it's possible for us or viable.
And look, I'm going to be really vulnerable right now and admit that I have always wanted to make a living as a visual artist. So yes, I've had my career as a vocalist and I've loved doing that, but for the whole time alongside being a vocalist, I have always practiced visual art. And I always imagined that I would quit my full-time job in the army as a vocalist to become a visual artist. And I had all the determination to succeed, but just along the way, so much of what I read from other artists and what I see online and I'm going to say, even a business coach who I trusted, advised me that even artists with a huge following struggle to make a decent living from the artwork and they have to add other income streams. And, You know, that point of view seems so true, even though I don't want it to be true.
And so even though I still have the hope of being a successful artist, And even though I know there are artists out there making a full-time living, selling their art so it, it is happening... For some reason, I seem to be latching on to the stories of the struggling artist or the people who, who can't make it work. And if I'm really honest, I seem to sabotage myself by procrastination, distraction, pivoting, starting from scratch with various media because I convinced myself that my artwork isn't marketable. First, when I was doing my textile art and it was very time-consuming and had to be framed, and that was very expensive. So all of that was I believed was priced too high. And I had to price it high because of the length of time and the framing. So then I would go and make stuff that I could price that at a lower end of the market. And then I deem it not to be valuable enough for buyers to take seriously. And then I'll move on to another idea and go around, around, around. So, this is where I'm at now.
I've been out of full-time work since the beginning of the year, and I realize I feel quite vulnerable verbalizing that I want to sell my artwork, because I feel as if anyone I say it to will think I'm delusional. I think that's the thing. And I was at a wedding on the weekend and everybody's asking me, what am I doing? And. And I'm playing the artwork down and I say I'm still doing my artwork on the side, but now I'm developing workshops. And the workshops are legitimately something I am very passionate about and I am pursuing that because it's a passion. But when I talk about the workshops I feel legitimate. I feel like a real smart person doing a smart thing where there is a real legitimate chance of success. It's not an airy fairy thing, like saying I'm going to be an artist. I'm not quite sure when I say that. Even coming out of my mouth right now, I feel silly. But I don't want it to be silly.
I want it to be true. All I really want to do is make art and sell it, but I don't just crack on with doing that because I've come to believe that it's not possible viable or realistic. So this is something I'm unpacking and thank you for listening to what really should have just been a journal entry. I realized that as I was writing the notes for this, that I really need to journal this.
Yeah, so what does all this have to do with creativity? Well, It's about permission to do things. To explore the activities that you are curious about without holding yourself up with limiting beliefs or feeling silly or delusional or less confident because the people who are loudest in your life are unsupportive or think it's a dumb idea. Side note, in which case you need to find a tribe. Or some people in your life who might not be the loudest, but people out there who are supportive and who do believe in you and they're the people you'd need to listen to.
I might do another podcast on that in the future. That sometimes you just have to give yourself permission. Permission to just play with your art materials without any particular outcome. Or without any professional aspirations. Permission to change up your medium, because you're curious about something new that's okay, too. Permission to spend time being creative when there are other things you're responsible for and hint, hint, some of those things can wait because creativity is important to you, to your wellbeing so they become first responsibilities and the housework and chores, they can come later.
Um, moving on. Yeah, just permission to dream big and attempt the seemingly impossible, even if it feels foolish to do so. And Esperanza Spalding didn't need anyone's permission to put dancers or theatrical elements in her jazz show. She just did it, and yes, there might be people out there who don't like it, but who cares?
She's she's expressing her creativity in her own unique way and breaking ground for others to do the same in the process. I've no doubt that from now on, if there aren't already, there will be dancers in Jazz shows from now on, because she's done it. So. Give yourself permission, but if you really need permission from someone outside yourself, then I'm giving it to you now. You have permission to do the silly things.
So until next time, keep creative, my friends and give yourself permission. All right. See you next time. Bye.